I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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