Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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