you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
