im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
