OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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