Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think my fart just growled at me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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