i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
