Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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