I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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