Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
