awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
