if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
organizing the empties. That sober.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
