On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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