rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
