Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
