What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
