Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
someone owes me an orgasm
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
