I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
