I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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