After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
