i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Damn victory sex feels great
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
