whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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