It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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