Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i think i have two assholes
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
