Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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