Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
