I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
