what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
