Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
