what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
