I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
