I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize