yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I touched a dick in church today
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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