its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
