I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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