Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
