It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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