I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
