she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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