Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
