and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
