using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
