sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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