I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
