I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
