Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
