her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
