this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
