I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
