So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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