apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
