bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
