So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Houston, we have a blender
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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