Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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