Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
