ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
