We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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