i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
