I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
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Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
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I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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