he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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